Results of egosearching on MSN. My favorite:
“It’s just quicker this way,” Ochsenhirt says. “I mean, sure, I’m never totally clean — but I’m always wide awake! If I’m running the dishwasher at the same time, I have to shower in decaf, but otherwise it’s been great!”
[via Weblog Tools Collection and Scoble]
The Church Sign Generator says
Granted, that’s not that funny. But WuzzaDem is.
This animated GIF reminds me of Brak.
Brak: Mashed potatoes, hey, sweet potatoes,
Baked potatoes, potato chips.
Whoa, smoked sausage, fried chicken!
Pepperoni pizza, tenderloin tips.
Nobody can make a donut do the things you do,
Believe me, baby, believe me, baby, I’ve tried quite a few!
I’ve eaten meatballs in Sweden and pork chops in Peru,
But all it did, all it did, all it did, all it did, all it did was remind me of you, baby!
And your mashed potatoes … sweet potatoes …
Oh, baby,
Pass the butter.
Wow. Don’t ever piss of Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Check out how they killed off Chef after Scientologist Isaac Hayes left the show in a huff:
“A lot of us don’t agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days,” one of the children eulogizes him at a funeral. “Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can’t let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile.”We shouldn’t be mad at Chef for leaving us,” the eulogy concludes. “We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.”
Sounds like a good tagline. Scientology: A Fruity Little Club That Scrambles Your Brains.
Except it’s not just a fruity little club. And it’s not harmless. Instead of scrambling your brains, Scientology kills you by depriving you of contact with humans or medical treatment in a bogus ritual. And makes you consent to said ritual and waive any claims against them before you can join their “religion”. Or insists that you forego psychiatric treatment for your schizophrenia in favor of vitamins from a chiropractor (because modern psychiatric medicine derives from an ancient space alien civilization’s plot to drug and enslave humanity, of course), until you stab your mother 77 times. The pedophiles of the adventurers club on South Park seem kind of harmless in comparison.
How Can I Put Off Helping You Today?
96 hours later, no such credit had been applied to my account. The wife was still merrily incapacitating mental patients with her new zowie-wowie Pink Floydophone, and I was still out a hundred and thirty bucks and change. Wearily, I steeled myself for another round with T-Blomie and dialed up again. “I’m interested in learning about Star-Bellied Sneetches,” I told the autoseductress before she could get much of a bot-word out. “Okay, I’ll connect you now!”
Usually I try “death to tyrants” or “my eardrums are bleeding - what should I do?” but Sneetches are good, too. I, too have a blue Motorola flip phone that seems cool unless you ever want to, you know, talk to someone with it. The Motorola V557, or as I call it, The Worst Cell Phone In The World.
Pictures of old computers + Lileks = projectile liquid incident
It’s the Univac II. Says the 1969 headline: “Modern computers are replacing the Univac II – but they don’t have character.” In what sense, exactly? Have the new compters been caught stealing from the office coffee fund?Here’s the rather confusing story, appended to the back of the photo:
“When someone says there are ‘several lethal doses’ of electricity flowing through the wires, Univac II commands even more respect.â€
How many doses do you need? Even the most sociopathic programmer doesn’t want to kill everyone in the IT department. Just that fargin’ icehole manager who wants him to reprogram the machine so it talks like the one in “The Forbin Project.”
